I do….(But I do not want to!!)

This must be the one thought that would be running through every man’s mind when he finally comes face-to-face with the truth – the one irreplaceable, inevitable truth. How much ever one tries to avoid it, evade it, dodge it, he still cannot but face it. And when you’ve jumped on to the “wrong” side of the 20s (I would prefer to call it the wiser 20s though!), the ringing of the so called “bells” starts resounding in your ears. The sound is as sinister as what Agent Smith, in his inimitable drawl tells Neo in the Matrix – “Hear that sound? It is the sound of inevitability”.
Although Smith was referring to an oncoming train, the sound of these bells seem no less ominous. To me atleast.

You can hear these bells almost anywhere. I do. In fact, over the past few days, there have been small, insignificant events, conversations and observations, which, a few years earlier, I might have overlooked with a dismissive wave of the hand or a yawn, but then, I have been stunned at the alarming regularity of these happenings – so much so, that I have begun to feel that there’s a conspiracy being hatched by somebody somewhere. Almost like somebody’s sending out signs to me – of impending doom. A female friend of mine was telling me about her situation at home, and mentioned that it is so difficult for a girl in India to be independent about her marriage. Well, I would like to invite all the feminists to take a peep into my life, and they would probably start campaigning for Men’s Liberalisation!!

It all starts with the same question – you can go anywhere in the world, you’ll find the start to all complications in life from this one question.

“When will you marry?”

Well, harmless question I would say. Only that, it assumes the answer to the unasked question (which should have been the first one), “do you want to marry?”, to be a Yes!! But, like all dumb men I fall for it – probably an indication of why this question has assumed so much importance in my life – guess, smart people stay quiet and single!

Well, anyways, cant cry over spilt milk isnt it? So, we go on to the answer, which comes in various shapes and sizes, but invariably all point to the same point – pointedly, not now, but whenever the right person comes by.


But the “right person” wont just walk by you, look at you, and with an ecstatic expression on the face, say, ” wow! finally we’ve met! Lets marry”. You need to look around.

Well, I have been doing that for the past 6 years, since I joined college. Never found one. Rather, nobody found me!

So, let me find one for you.

Ok, you can, but I still cant say how much time I would take to decide.

Why should it take so much time for you? I know who’ll be the right person for you. It wont take a second for you to decide.

A second? First, how do you know who’s the right person for me when I myself do not know? And how do you know I wont have adjustment problems with that person just because YOU have selected?

Well, you’ll always have problems, whether I select or you select.

Then why marry at all!!?? I do not want to have problems, more so, with somebody whom I barely know.I am happy with the problems I create for myself. I do not want problems created by somebody else in my life.

But how can you say that? Dont think it is only YOUR decision on that. It is our responsibility to get you married, and once that is done, we shall lead the rest of our lives peacefully.

So, isnt your life peaceful now? And this has got nothing to do with your responsibility.
This way, I would be losing my peace, and a piece of my mind too! Would that make you happy?

Dont be stupid! Marriages are all about adjustments, and compatibility.

Exactly my point! I need time to find out if the person can adjust to me, and if I can to that person. I cannot find that out by meeting for an hour, 2/3 days in a week for a few weeks and asking about her work experience. I need more time for that.

But how much time do you need? As I said, problems will anyways be there.

Yes, but if things go my way, I would have known her atleast for sometime, and that would atleast reduce the percentage of problems which might otherwise be really high if I do not know the person well enough. Marriage is not your responsibility, it’s nobody’s responsibility. It is a personal choice between 2 people who have chosen to lead a life together. It is a choice, not a compulsion, not a duty. Not because somebody is 30, or somebody’s aunt says so, or the friend of some aunt’s far off relative is looking for a groom!

So, you want to do a love marriage? Well, if that is so, you’ll need to love only somebody who’s from our state or from anywhere near our state. She should be a brahmin, and a non-vegetarian.

Its like what Henry Ford had mentioned about his Rolls Royce – ” You can buy any colour, as long as it is black”.

What is this now?
Well, anyways, I am not even talking about love or arranged marriage. I am just saying this much – look for a person. I am looking out too, ask all my aunts, all uncles, cousins, their aunts and uncles – everybody that I am looking out for a person. Only thing, marriage will happen on my terms and conditions.

Ok, so when will you marry?

Deja Vu? That’s a classic stump out! Phew!!

As all good things come to an end, these things go round and round. Needless to say, such conversations leave me doubting my intelligence.

I had an almost similar conversation back at home, and since then, I have been seeing things. Yes. Apart from stars, i.e! The moment I landed back to my office, I met an old college friend of mine, and told him that I had been home for the weekend. He winked at me and said “, so dude, when are you getting married?”! I just smiled back at him, and said nothing like that, but I could not help feel an eerie sensation that this was just the beginning.

And as always, I was proved correct:

# All of a sudden on my yahoo inbox shaadi.com websites have started popping up,
# I woke up late yesterday and picked up the newspaper from outside the door, and the first sheet that lands in front my eyes – Matrimonials!!
# As soon I logged onto yahoo chat on Friday, I got 3/4 popups from my friends abusing me in the choicest of expletives. Without knowing the reason, I put in a smiley (reminded of my college days), and joined the dog-fight. But on asking them for their generosity with the language, they all blasted me out. They said that they had heard I was engaged and that I had not bothered to inform them. Well, as it turned out later (after a lot of clarifications, smileys, and more words), a junior of mine did not go to office, was bored at home, and hence decided to play a trick on somebody – turned out to be me!

Well, some rational, scientist-minded guy would prefer to mention all these as coincidences (and I would love to kiss him if that is so..ahem!..I am straight though), but I just cant help feel that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach. No, not indigestion.

Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. But I would need to find out the reasons that would erase the line in the brackets, and leave a convincing “I do”. Till then I intend to stay smart – quiet and single.

10 thoughts on “I do….(But I do not want to!!)

  1. :)..Yeah csk..feel envious to see that you’re all geared up for marriage…am sure you’ve figured out the reasons for that..I am not averse to it, but cant seem to concentrate on the good things of the package!..:))…if you know what I mean!…

  2. Probably these quote will help you decide:

    “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

    “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

  3. @cybermenace : Yes!!.:))…”I do” must be the longest sentence…rather, it probably would be the one line which would give rise to scores of questions!!…

  4. a married man once asked me, ‘are you married or happy?’ i grinned back, ‘happy!’ and we had a good laugh. but like they say, to an extent i also believe that shaadi ka ladoo, khao to pachtao, nahi kaho to bhi pachtao.
    and ah, very well written!! i can very well empathise with yr situation!!! hang on there, stay ‘smart’ till u find the right girl!!!

  5. It’s your turn…Hahahah….I just love watching this situation….I didn’t want my foks to ask me when I was going to get married so I went n told them “I want to get married!!”. It was a shock for the fraternity of docile “elders” but for me I had my way. I never got nagged about “get married” but I nagged them saying “when are u going to find a guy for me”….Old trick….All the best to ya..n marry only out of CHOICE, be it arranged or love or wht ever!!!>..Asta La Vista

  6. Vans : Yes, shaadi ka laddo hai hi aisa!..and thanks for encouraging me to hang in there!!..:)..I shall do so till the right girl comes by!..(btw, what happened to your story?)

    Scribblez : Well, I had wanted to apply that trick you know!..but I guess, my folks turned out to be a notch higher than me!!..:)..

  7. πŸ™‚ we are sailing in the same boat… all my relatives, specially my bhaiyyas are always telling me,ab teri baari hai..gimme break, thr r a lot more imp things in life other than getting a smart n earning husband..

  8. i think i will only break the ice……….have gone thru ur profile many a times in orkut….initially i was inquisitive but again an again an………..(precisely coz u also visited)but today i read all ur blogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i think that says it all.All very well written ..and offcourse with all comments well answered……..Good work shud be appreciated so thought of writin ….save sum of your precious time from orkutin,drink less cups of tea and donate sum more time to postin some more such blogs.take care and god bless.

  9. Now why didnt I think of highlighting the page? Hmmm.. anyway, had a pretty good laugh πŸ™‚ you are right, its not easy for guys either.. my point was, its just not easy anymore! sigh..

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